Im Proud of Him

This was Seamus last night at about 6:45pm.

Yesterday Seamus got a list from his teacher of about 13 items that he had yet to turn in. It was mostly homework. Actually, it might have been ALL homework. I cant remember now. Report cards come out next Friday so he had until today to get all these assignments finished and turned in.

My first reaction to this situation was irritation. I thought we were beyond this. A little background: at the beginning of the year, Seamus had to go to "homework club" everyday because he wasnt turning in his homework. Monday through Thursday the teachers rotate rooms and host the 5th - 8th grade students so they can do their homework before they get home. Seamus hated it, but he went everyday until his teacher saw improvement. At the beginning of November she told him he no longer had to go and we all congratulated him on his new found responsibility.

Since November, I have taken a hands off approach to his homework. He's in fifth grade now. This is his responsibility. Im not doing him any favors checking on him throughout the evening to make sure everything is done. All that withstanding, its been hard for me to back off. My instinct is to do everything I can to make sure he does the homework, completes it neatly and turns it in. Guilt. Nagging. Coercion. I'll use them all. But I havent. Everyday I say "Have you done your homework?" and when he replies "yes" I choose to believe him.

Now do you understand why I was initially very irritated? He'd been lying to me... again. And you know, there were soooo many times where my gut told me he was lying. There have been many times that I followed up his reply with "Are you sure you did everything? Do I need to check?" But for the most part, I havent said that. Usually when I say "Do I have to check?" he comes back with an exasperated "You never believe me!" and that makes me feel crappy. It doesnt feel good to doubt your son. I really want to believe him.

And look what it got me. (((deep sigh)))

A few moments went by. I did some dishes and had some time to think. The kid actually brought the list home to us. He let me know right away that he had a ton of missing work to complete. He even asked for help on some things. Thats pretty big of Seamus. In fact, that is a HUGE step forward for my son. He could have easily not shown me the list and blown off all the work without a word. Seamus is "always right" and he "knows everything." He's been like this since he was maybe 4 or 5 years old. In the past, he has convinced himself that the teacher was wrong about missing work. He refused to do it because, in his little world, he had already done it. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. But he didnt do that this time. He brought home every book in his desk and when it came time to do the work, he didnt waste time. He sat down at the counter (the table was set for dinner) and was totally focused on getting the work done.

As I took this picture last night, I couldnt help but feel proud of my son. I know that sounds crazy given the amount of late work he had to complete, but as I took this picture I was overcome by the realization that Seamus is maturing. Oh my God. Seamus is actually starting to "get it!" He's starting to realize that life isnt just "according to Seamus." He plays a role in how things happen: he can choose to work with the status quo or against it. Last night, he chose to work with it.

Matt and I both looked at each other after I took this picture. It was the glance of two "soliders" who have shared the trials of war. We both smiled. We were feeling the same pride. It felt good to share that moment with him. Im so grateful we are parents together.

Baby steps. Itsy, bitsy baby steps:)