I was talking to my sister this morning about parenting. She has a friend who is having a hard time with her parenting load right now. Actually, her friend is probably having hard time in general but having two young kids doesn't make life easier. It complicates it. Listening to my sister speak today brought to mind a song by Coldplay called "The Scientist." The lyrics are:
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.
Often times when I am struggling with parenting those lyrics ring true for me. I was 27 years old when I got pregnant for the first time and, boy, was I naive about parenting. I truly thought I was going to be an awesome mother. After all, I had been a teacher for almost two years. I liked kids a lot, and they really seemed to like me too. I was raised primarily by a working mother who made parenting look very manageable. From my perspective she made it look down right easy. I foolishly thought "if she can do it working, I can totally excell at it while at home." To be fair, up to that point in my life I hadnt experienced the pain or humility that failure can elicit - a fact that would change upon becoming a mother. I was also older when I got pregnant, seemingly more mature. I had had some fun in my early and mid twenties and although I wasnt ready to give up my life, I thought I was up to the task of caring for another person.
The thing is: nobody can prepare you for being a parent. No one. Its a 'learn on the job' occupation and its far from easy.
In my experience, parenting can be down right hard, even when you think you have your sh** together. It is emotionally, mentally and especially in the beginning, physically hard. Its legitimate work. And that's not to say its not rewarding, because at times it really is. And just because parenting is work doesnt mean that you dont feel unearthly love for your children, because you absolutely do.
When I got off the phone with my sister, I was thinking of the ways I keep my chin up in regards to my parenting load. As I looked around my house, I could easily see one of my methods: I surround myself with positive reminders of how great my kids are. For example: on my bulletin board are several love notes from Seamus. The love notes are few - one in particular was given to me when he was 5 years old - but I keep them displayed because they remind me that even on our worst days, my sons are a huge blessing in my life. I have lots of these little reminders around my home: a gold slip from 2007 on my fridge; some tissue flowers from my boys this past Mothers Day; a torn piece of paper that says "I love you" next to a photo. All these little reminders reaffirm to me that I am exactly where Im supposed to be at this time in my life. God made me to be the mother of Seamus and Finn McGarvey and even when days are rough and the work that needs to be done is overwhelming, I know that there is a lot of good in our lives together.
Happy Tuesday.
When you got pregnant for the first time you thought you were going to be an awesome mother and you are! Being the mother of McGarvey children is not a job for the faint of heart and God only selects the best for such an important task.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kris that you are an awesome mother. Raising McGarvey children is not an easy job, but the results far outweigh the few bad days!!!
ReplyDeleteLisa..I think you do a great Job! And your kids are normal..they do normal kid things like Lie! Caught Kenzie in a lie a couple of days ago and so giving you the advice i gave you..it wasn't a huge lie, but a lie the same. She lied about not taking the juice box out of the fridge which I just took out of her backpack and put in the fridge but she lied about it. So no itouch, nin and puter...
ReplyDeleteYou guys are sweet. I wasnt posting because I wanted compliments, but thank you for your kindness all the same. I just think that when you're younger you are naturally idealistic about many things - espeically marriage/love and kids. You always hear how rewarding parenting is. You hear about all the great things related to being a parent and people dont necessarily share how hard it can be. No one says that its work. I suppose I should have known that with good comes bad, but it honestly didnt phaze me. My ideas on parenting were so unrealistic. When I hear my sister Miranda talking about having several kids, I want to caution her "Slow down... take one at a time. Its not easy. Its not the Brady Bunch." I dont want to see her struggle like I have struggled - like MANY people struggle. And when I was talking to my sister Jennifer about her friend, it was so apparent to me that parenting is hard for many parents - not just me. It helps to have a positive attitude about it because when the tough times hit, it can be really tough. I think that's why I keep these tokens around my house. Its nice to have that reassurance that my kids are normal boys and they have really wonderful qualities regardless of the crappy things they can sometimes do.
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