Could It Really Be This Simple?

Once when I was a preteen or teenager, I asked my mom if she was happy. We were in the car driving somewhere; I cant remember where. I remember asking her this question because I felt at that time that she didnt seem happy. To be clear, I wasnt thinking in terms of her overall life. I was thinking at that moment with me. Or maybe, I was thinking in terms of her being a mom to me and a wife to my dad. She didnt seem happy. Instead, Mom seemed preoccupied, maybe even stressed. She was a working mom with three daughters. She was married. She had bills. I couldnt understand or appreciate all the important and, alternatively, mindless responsibilities that clouded her daily life. It just seemed to me that she was unhappy. Do you know what she told me when I asked her that question? I will never forget it. She said (and Im going to paraphrase) "Am I happy? ((5 seconds contemplation))) No. I wouldnt say that I am happy. I dont think of myself as being happy or unhappy. If you asked me if I was content, I would tell you yes. I am content. But am I happy? That's a silly question."

Initially I was totally shocked and disturbed by her response. I wanted her to reply "yes." I wanted her to placate my fears by assuring me that even though her life was chaotic, she was happy and therefore happy with me, my sisters, my dad and our life together. In my mother's typical, pragmatic way she didnt do that. But you know, by the end of the day I was getting a grasp on what she meant. Little by little I became slowly reassured that her response of "content" vs. "happy" wasnt such a bad thing. Being content with one's life is a really GOOD thing.

I think about that conversation a lot now that Im an adult. Am I happy? Gosh, what a loaded question. Is anyone? Honestly, my life is complicated. Here is a snapshot of my life right this second:

My husband is making tea from a new teapot.
My sons are playing a computer game together. They are talking with each other and seemingly strategizing on their individual laptops. They are not arguing. They are getting along really well right now.
My dad's old records are playing on our new record player - a birthday gift from Matt.
All four McGarveys are occupying the same room as the music fills our house.
There are dishes in my sink.
There is laundry lining my hallway floor.
Dont even get me going on my bathroom - ewwwwwww!
My old computer wont stay on for more than 30 minutes without freezing up.
But I am currently writing on my new laptop, another birthday gift - this time from Mom.
Its raining outside.
Hopefully my car floors are drying out because I left my windows open last night and the rain soaked my car - inside and out.
Im drinking a Peace Tea that my husband brought back for me while running his errands.
Matt is sewing a hem on Seamus' new boy scout pants.
Our cat, Omalley, is sleeping on the couch.

Am I happy? Hell yes I am and honestly it surprises me! This is a nice moment for me and I hadnt even realized it until I started listing it out. But who knows what will happen in the next hour. In the next day? Who knows when our bank account will run dangerously low - causing strain on our minds and marriage. Who knows when the rain will begin to cause issues with our yard or our house. Who knows when Seamus will start yelling at his brother, or worse at me or Matt. This moment of happiness wont last very long - of that I am sure.

Where am I going with this? I dont know. But you know what, Im going to get off this computer and enjoy this moment.

Happy Saturday.