She's Leaving Home. . . Bye Bye.

Sorry for the long absence.

Ive been going through some tough stuff lately and didnt feel like posting. I think its just normal "life" stuff, but its gotten the best of me this month. I recently saw a facebook status update from a friend and she wrote "Wake me up when September ends." I could not agree more with those Greenday lyrics. Today is the last day in September. I suppose its time to "wake up."

On this unusually stormy day, I said goodbye to my sister Jennifer and her family. For the majority of our lives we have lived either in the same city or adjacent cities. Since Jennifer had her first child 6 years ago, we have lived in the same neighborhood. Tomorrow Jen, Barry, Eli and Abbey are leaving on a plane and moving to Madison, Wisconsin. Their house is up for sale; their possessions have been shipped. My gut says they will not return to live in Southern California again. I will no longer be a daily part of my niece and nephew's life. I will no longer be a part of my sister's daily life. This reality has been a huge, dark cloud hanging over my head for weeks.

Today I am heartbroken.

Ive been stoically keeping it together for the past several days. I didnt want to upset anyone - namely Jennifer. When the family has been together (which has been every day this week) Ive been distant in an effort to keep myself from sobbing. Once alone, I break down. This has been my routine for at least a month. I cant talk about what's happening to anyone without bursting into tears. This impulse has proven problematic and embarrassing for me. In a sick way, it actually feels satisfying that this day is finally here. Now I dont have to anticipate it anymore. Now it is real. That being said, I still hate this and wish it wasnt happening.

Jennifer told me recently that our family isnt as close as we may think but I think she is dead wrong. I dont know if she said this because she really believed it or if she was trying to distance herself from us in order to make this separation easier for her. This is a fact: we are close. She and I have always been close and so have our children. I have hundreds of pictures documenting our closeness. Here are a few:



























A note to my sister: We are close so dont kid yourself. Our lives have been inter-mingled since the day you were born in September 1972. They will continue to be blended for a long time. I guess we've just had it easy the past several years. It seems crazy that Im only realizing that tonight.

Now the real work begins.

I love you, Jen.