Seamus.... Seamus.... You Are My Son.

Since Seamus was a baby, I have sung him a personalized song. In my head its called "Seamus Song" but its actually a church hymn I grew up singing at St Francis Church. When Seamus was born, I would hum the song to him but instead of singing the usual refrain, I substituted his name for "Jesus." The lyrics are "Jesus, Jesus, you are my Lord," but I would sing it "Seamus, Seamus you are my son." The melody of the refrain sounds like a calling so as Seamus grew up, I stopped singing it as a lullaby and now sing it in order to lull him out of bed in the mornings. ha ha In actuality, I dont sing it to him everyday or even every week, but he recognizes the song as his. I have sung it to him on and off his whole life.

I cant remember the first time Seamus heard the song sung in church, but I recall his face looking shocked and wide eyed. "Seamus Song" is an older song and our church doesnt sing it regularly anymore. When Seamus heard it that day, he was totally caught off guard and was very surprised. Here was a melody he had heard his whole life - personalized for him - and suddenly the entire congregation was singing it about Jesus. Im sure it was very confusing.

Today is a feast day in the Catholic Church so instead of going home after dropping the boys off, I decided to join them at mass. It is hard for me to believe how much I go to mass now that the kids go to school there. Its weird being back in the same church among the uniformed school children. Anyway, at St. Francis the parents are invited to sit with the classes during mass, but because Seamus is a 6th grader I normally sit with Finn. Lots of parents in the younger grades sit with their children, but in middle school I havent seen any parents sit along with their tweens. Because of this fact, I have yet to sit with Seamus during mass. He doesnt seem to mind. From where Finn's class sits I can see Shea and I often check over at him to make sure he's behaving. He will smile at me or occasionally wave. Today, however, mass was crowded. I tried a few times to find him, but couldnt among the many people.

There are regular times during the mass where the congregation sings and today, to my great surprise, we sang "Seamus Song." Its so ironic to me that I spent so many years regularly singing that song in church, but now when I hear it, the words that come to my lips are not the original lyrics but the ones I created for my son. Finn nudged me immediately in recognition of the song. I smiled at him but when I instinctively looked over for Seamus I couldnt see him. As the song progressed I began feeling a tinge of anxiety. I wanted to see Seamus. I wished I could get eye contact with him. This is his song - our song. Im always able to see him during weekly mass. Why on this day, of all days, coudlnt I see him?

About 20 seconds into the song the chorus started. I looked over for him again, and just then Seamus shifted behind some poeple and his sweet, little face appeared between two larger figures. He smiled at me and it literally brought tears to my eyes. Then, in a flash, he was gone.

During the entire mass I was trying to find him, but in the end he found me.

Happy Tuesday. :)