Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I am not a confrontational person by nature. Its just not part of my DNA. When I do try to assert myself, I usually end up looking foolish and impulsive. People dont take me seriously when I stick up for what I believe. Instead of those around me saying "You know, Lisa has a good point. Lets listen to her," they end up saying "Dude, someone is having a bad day. What a freak!"

You would think as a mother, that I would be different about my kids, right? Wrong. Its an equally unnatural feeling for me to stick up for my boys - be it with other kids, school or family. I can do it when necessary and I have felt that "mother bear" surge before, but mostly it feels wrong. Assertiveness just doesnt come naturally for me.

Given all this information, you can imagine how rare I felt e-mailing Finn's teacher about a grade he received in school. You see, I am not the kind of parent that makes waves. I typically dont question teachers on their procedures and practices. I dont believe myself to be a critical person, but I could be wrong. Usually, I give teachers and educators the benefit of the doubt. However, yesterday Finn brought home a bunch of graded classwork and one assignment struck me as odd. See image below.

A couple things: First, I am so damn thankful to the school and to Ms. Marley for making writing an integral part of Finn's education. It has been my experience that the art of learning to write is not a subject that is taken very seriously in school. When I saw this assignment come home I honestly felt so grateful that Finn was getting exposure and instruction about writing. Too often I feel like we tell kids "Oh... you're still young. You're only 9. You'll learn to better write in high school." In my experience, you need to know how to write by high school, not during it. Secondly, I was overcome with pride not only by my son's ability to write (in cursive, no doubt) but also because of the theme he chose to write about: his brother, Seamus. As I read his letter, I got a little choked up on account of the affection he voiced for his brother. What a freaking sweetheart!

As I was reading, I noticed the teacher's remarks on the first page. They appeared valid to me. Then I turned to the back page and saw what I believed to be his grade: a zero. I flipped back to the front and read again. This was a pretty good letter for a third grader - definitely above average in my mind. It seemed that the class was given directions to write three paragraphs on two pages, but Finn wrote three cramped paragraphs on one page. Did Finn's teacher give him a zero for not following the directions? Surely he didnt get a zero for his writing ability. In addition to this letter there were about three pre writing activities which Finn completed and were stapled to his final draft. For all this effort, it seemed unreal to me that he would receive zero credit. Even though I do not typically involve myself in classroom matters, I convinced myself that I owed it to Finn to ask for an explanation. In my opinion, Finn wrote a very good letter. I can somewhat understand teaching him a lesson about following directions, but to give him a zero on this assignment seemed absolutely unjust.

I emailed his teacher last night before going to bed. I didnt really over think what I was doing, which is rare. I also wasnt emotionally upset by the grade. I was merely confused. When I wrote Finn's teacher I explained that I was puzzled by the assignment and that I would appreciate an explanation why Finn was given a zero on his letter. I further explained that I believed had she done a word count of his essay, Finn's paper would be on par with the rest of the class that did follow directions. I felt like Finn was being penalized for the cramped style of his cursive and I told her that I believed the grade of a zero was unfair. I will admit the email was a mouthful from me, but when I sent it I felt kind of good. Its so rare and awkward for me to voice dissent in this manner, but I felt kind of responsible - like it was the right thing to do.

When I checked my email this morning, a message from his teacher was waiting:

Hi Mrs. McGarvey,
You are absolutely right, his letter did not deserve a zero. In fact, he got an O. What you saw was not a percentage, but rather a letter grade of an O. Finn did a great job with his letter and he was one of only two students who received an O. If you have any more questions let me know.
Thank you.
Ms. Marley.

Oh crap! Talk about feeling like a complete asshole. I went back and re read my email. Did it sound harsh and judgemental? Did I appear upset or overbearing in my writing? Did I come off as a total jerk? I dont believe Ive ever asked her to explain a graded assignment before. Did she think I was a hover parent and will be leery of me from now until the end of the year?

This is what happens when I try to assert myself - I end up opening my mouth and inserting my foot. I swear, Im hopeless. I should just stick to what I do best: avoiding conflict and looking the other way when it arrises.

I am happy for Finn though. Way to go, Buddy!

Happy Wednesday.