We Wont Get Fooled Again

Seamus doing reading logs- 9.21.09

A couple years ago when Seamus began getting report/essay assignments in school, I made the HUGE mistake of typing some out for him. Im a fast typist. Seamus is not. Seamus is also a procrastinator - a bad habit Im assuming he gets from me. I told myself Id rather save him the time to sleep, than have him spend hours typing a report the night before. Honestly, Ive probably typed his work three or four times in his life - not much, but enough. It was a mistake, and I knew pretty much immediately. It didnt feel right - it felt like a mistake. As much as I hoped to set things straight, I never had the balls to follow through. That mistake of typing his work has literally haunted me for the past couple years.

Note to parents: do not make your child's life easier by shouldering his/her responsibility. It will blow up in your face every single time.

Segue to this summer: Seamus had two book reports due on the first day of school. One had to be handwritten in cursive and the other had to be typed. When he asked me to type his report for him, I told him no. Naturally he was upset. He began to argue with me that it wasnt fair; that I had done it in the past. Why was I being so mean and not helping him now. Blah blah blah. I'll spare you the embarrassing details but suffice it to say, this conversation went on for far longer than I would have liked. It left me feeling buggered. I was mad - mad at him for being such a spoiled, entitled brat, but madder at myself for starting this entire mess in the first place.

Then I thought of a plan: I told Seamus I would type his report if he agreed it was the last time. I would never type any of his school work again. He readily agreed. That's when I came out with the contract. See photo below.

Seamus barely thought twice about writing and signing the contract. I thought it would take more convincing, but it didnt. He was only thinking of his present situation and not the 6+ years of mandatory school work coming to him in the future. His swiftness in taking my offer made me smile because Seamus truly believes he's smarter than me. Not so, my son. Not so. ((((insert evil laugh))) When my mother in law proposed she sign the contract too - as a witness - I jumped on the opportunity. Once the contract was signed and witnessed, I tacked it to the bulletin board where his school work is normally displayed. I was holding on to that contract. Seamus would forget it, but I would not.

Sure enough, yesterday Seamus was running behind on doing his reading logs. He had four to write and asked me if I would type them for him. I calmly and without guilt said "No Shea. Im not typing any of your work anymore." He looked at me like he was going to start and complain, but when I mentioned the contract and pointed to it on the bulletin board he stopped. There was no whining, no argument. He did say a couple things underneath his breath, but he didnt push it. For almost an hour, he poked at that key board with two fingers and got the work done by himself.

Now some may think I played a dirty trick on him with my contract, but I see it as a means to an ends. I do not feel the least bit guilty about it either. Instead, I feel responsible. I feel good. I should have never typed his reports to begin with - not even one. That is his responsibility, not mine. If I were a good parent I would have allowed him to struggle and type his papers on his own. But I didnt, and that was a mistake. John Wooden had a quote he would tell his players during his UCLA tenure as head basketball coach: "The worst things you can do for the ones you love are the things they can do and should do for themselves." I believe that whole heartedly. Now I just need to follow through and make it a reality for my kids.

Happy Tuesday.