She's Leaving Home. . . Bye Bye.

Sorry for the long absence.

Ive been going through some tough stuff lately and didnt feel like posting. I think its just normal "life" stuff, but its gotten the best of me this month. I recently saw a facebook status update from a friend and she wrote "Wake me up when September ends." I could not agree more with those Greenday lyrics. Today is the last day in September. I suppose its time to "wake up."

On this unusually stormy day, I said goodbye to my sister Jennifer and her family. For the majority of our lives we have lived either in the same city or adjacent cities. Since Jennifer had her first child 6 years ago, we have lived in the same neighborhood. Tomorrow Jen, Barry, Eli and Abbey are leaving on a plane and moving to Madison, Wisconsin. Their house is up for sale; their possessions have been shipped. My gut says they will not return to live in Southern California again. I will no longer be a daily part of my niece and nephew's life. I will no longer be a part of my sister's daily life. This reality has been a huge, dark cloud hanging over my head for weeks.

Today I am heartbroken.

Ive been stoically keeping it together for the past several days. I didnt want to upset anyone - namely Jennifer. When the family has been together (which has been every day this week) Ive been distant in an effort to keep myself from sobbing. Once alone, I break down. This has been my routine for at least a month. I cant talk about what's happening to anyone without bursting into tears. This impulse has proven problematic and embarrassing for me. In a sick way, it actually feels satisfying that this day is finally here. Now I dont have to anticipate it anymore. Now it is real. That being said, I still hate this and wish it wasnt happening.

Jennifer told me recently that our family isnt as close as we may think but I think she is dead wrong. I dont know if she said this because she really believed it or if she was trying to distance herself from us in order to make this separation easier for her. This is a fact: we are close. She and I have always been close and so have our children. I have hundreds of pictures documenting our closeness. Here are a few:



























A note to my sister: We are close so dont kid yourself. Our lives have been inter-mingled since the day you were born in September 1972. They will continue to be blended for a long time. I guess we've just had it easy the past several years. It seems crazy that Im only realizing that tonight.

Now the real work begins.

I love you, Jen.

August Family Portrait

Here is our August family portrait. We took this early in the month while tubing down the Clarion River in Western Pennsylvania.

In my life, I have found a couple activities where l feel totally alive. Its as if these few, special activities where meant especially for me. I feel like I belong when Im participating in them. I feeI purposeful and uplifted. I feel like Im living my life's most effortless and yet most exhilerating moments.

What are these activities, you ask? One is camping at Joshua Tree. When we go to Joshua Tree, its like an instant escape. The beautiful stillness of the dessert is so comforting and centering to me. Any kind of stress Im carrying at the time melts away. One of my favorite times of day out there is the hour or so before sunset. There is a warm, luminescent light that veils the rocky, dry desert. Its still and quiet... almost reverent, like in a church. The place glows for about an hour and then slowly the sky shifts to a deep shade of blue. The stars appear out of nothing - more stars than you ever knew existed.

I also LOVE watching the Padres play live at Petco Park. I know it sounds corny and maybe even a bit shallow, but I get so excited when I enter a baseball field. There is something magical about getting that first glimpse of field. I often feel flooded with a mixture of familiarity, nostalgia and gratitude at seeing that turf. For as long as I live, I will never tire of the rush I receive while watching the Padres come from behind to win a game. There is something infectious about cheering on the team I love with a crowd of 43,000 standing up beside me. Its an electric feeling. I have been so fortunate to watch many MLB games in person and I swear it never gets old.

When we were in Pennsylvania last month, it became very clear to me that tubing down the Clarion River is an activity I can add to my elite list of activities that make me feel alive. I think there is something so uncomplicated yet utterly sublime about slowly drifting down the river on a hot, sunny day. Its sooooo relaxing and yet thrilling at the same time. The boys were just as happy as I was. They were in hog heaven - jumping in and out of their tubes and swimming in the cool water. It is so rare for me to feel at ease while allowing the boys to enjoy an activity with a good amount of independence from myself. I worry too much about things I cant control. But while we were tubing on the Clarion River I couldnt help it but feel completely carefree and untroubled. It was a lovely experience. Pennsylvania is such a gorgeous location to tube, too. The vegetation along the river was lush and green and the sky was blue with huge puffy clouds. I convinced Matt to let us go twice during our visit, but honestly I could have done it every single day. I loved it that much.

Ok... we had a long day of soccer today. I can barely keep my eyes open and my head clear.

Im off to bed.

Happy Saturday.

Seamus is 12 Years Old Today

Here is a "snapshot" of Seamus' 12 birthday:

Seamus got up this morning without being roused - not a common occurrence.
He skipped his regular shower.
He was hyper, animated and very excited before school.
His mother told Seamus repeatedly to stop dribbling the soccer ball in the house.
Eventually he stopped.
Seamus ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast.
He opened two presents today - one in the morning from Finn and one in the evening from his Dama Teri and Papa Jim.
The present from Finn (a Plasma 360 light) was broken within 30 minutes of opening it.
There were some tears and much finger pointing. It was not a good start to the day.
But after some reconciliation and negotiation, another identical Plasma 360 light was presented to Seamus after school.
The rest of Seamus gifts were received in greeting cards.
He was really, REALLY overjoyed by what was waiting for him inside of the greeting cards. ;)
It was the first Friday of the month so Seamus' school had a noon dismissal today.
He liked that a lot, even though it was only the first week of school.
Seamus brought red velvet cupcakes to share with his 7th grade class.
Red Velvet is his favorite cake.
His mom looked in three different stores without success in finding them.
The fourth store was the charm.
After school, Seamus went with his brother and four cousins (Eli, Isa, Gavin and Hayley) to Peppertree for ice cream.
He did not, however, eat ice cream. He wasnt hungry, but suggeseted the "Boston Shake" to his cousins.
Seamus received a generous sum of money from Dama Shan, Pap Al and Kathy, Miranda, Nicole and Fab and Auntie Lucy.
He spent a small portion of that money on a laser light show at Spencer's Gifts.
He likes Spencer's Gifts - its probably an emerging teenage thing.
Seamus, Finn and Elijah played skeeball at an arcade in the mall.
They also ate lunch at a McDonalds in the mall.
Seamus donated $3 to the Ronald McDonald House while ordering.
Upon coming home Seamus, Elijah and Finn set up a "OIDS dance party" in Finn's bedroom.
Between the laser light show, a Plasma 360 light and Elijah's lava lamp, it looked pretty awesome.
Seamus went to soccer practice where a teammate of his was also celebrating a birthday.
Fernando was not only born on the same day; he was born within the same hour at the same hospital.
Seamus was surprised by an impromptu gathering at his home after soccer practice.
The house was decorated with balloons and streamers.
Cousin Eli was very excited to decorate and helped blow up many balloons.
Papa Jim decorated Seamus' bed with a spiderweb of red streamers.
Seamus blew out candles on his cake that spelled "Feliz Cumpleanos."
It was a red velvet cake.
He ate three pieces of cake before the night was through.
Seamus went to bed without complaint or resistance.
When his mom asked if he had a good birthday, Seamus responded "I had a GREAT birthday!"
He must have said "thank you" to his mother about a dozen time throughout the day.

Happy birthday to our beautiful son, Seamus.
We love you!